Sunday, August 1, 2010

Forget Alpha and Beta and Just Be Yourself

Boy, oh, boy, (and girl, oh, girl,) am I tired of seeing stories like this one:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/7918699/Women-view-modesty-as-sign-of-weakness.html#dsq-content

From the brief article:

"Research suggested that females have found the rise of the 'more feminine man', or 'metrosexual', a big turn-off.
Women see modesty amonsgt men as a poor character trait that could adversely affect their employability or earnings potential...
The study of 132 female and 100 male student volunteers found, however, that men did not view female modesty negatively.
The participants viewed footage of 15-minute job interviews of males and female actors delivering similar responses to questions for the position that required social skills.
The applicants were judged to be equally competent for the role but the 'modest' males were less liked, results published in the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity showed."

First off, could we please desist with the idea that one can speak for all women or all men or all anything else? Women are not a monolith, and neither are men. I'm certain some women would love to marry James Bond or Cary Grant, and many others want the quiet bookworm who talks about his feelings a lot. (I won't get into right now which category I'm more likely to fall under.)

Secondly, we don't need any more damn labels to stick onto people. (I agreed when Michael Stipe said that he thinks "labels are for canned food.") There's a stereotype about men and boys that they're generally slobs or barbarians who like to hit each other with sticks while rolling around in the mud in their underwear. Then, when it's time to go out to dinner, they wet their hands and run their fingers through their hair to comb it. If you do anything beyond that, the stereotypers first assume you're gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, of course), and if they find out you're not they'll give you the new label of "metrosexual." If you fail to live up to one stereotype, they'll hit you with another one, rather than reconsider whether they should be pigeonholing people. I was never a fan of John Edwards politically, but I didn't give him any crap over his $400 haircuts while he was running for the presidency. If women can throw down four Bennies at the salon -- then go for it, man. And I spend $18 at The Hair Cuttery, so I'm not speaking from experience here.

Next, and this will come as a surpirse to many women: men don't merely say they have emotions because they think it will impress you or turn you on. Men have emotions because they're human beings. I'm always disturbed when I find a woman who talks about her feelings or cries or needs a shoulder to lean on (about every day) suddenly turns around and ridicules a man whom she sees doing these things even once.

When people first began to move away from these stereotypes years ago (prompting the sort of backlash we now find in the Telegraph piece), it wasn't merely because the stereotypes were unfair (which they are, to both sexes), but also because they're simply not true. Society must stop telling men that they're not to have emotions or to admit that they have them. Maybe men's average life expectancy will start to rise if they don't insist on internalizing everything.

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Declaration (for the) Independence

How cool is it that my letter about the Philadelphia Independence was published on July 4?

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/currents/97751314.html?viewAll=y

"I was pleased to see the Philadelphia Union draw such a large crowd to the first game in its new home, PPL Park in Chester. But too little attention has been paid to Philadelphia's other expansion soccer team: the Philadelphia Independence, of Women's Professional Soccer.

It was good that The Inquirer had a sizable article about a recent Independence win, but too many news outlets seem to be ignoring the team, despite the fact that it's in second place in the WPS at the All-Star Break."

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Laugh Away -- Just Not When Someone Gets Hurt

I thank Dr. Helen Smith for again sticking up for men and boys everywhere.

http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/ask-dr-helen-does-society-encourage-genital-assault-against-men/2/

I have no idea why anyone would consider it funny when anyone else is hurt, and writing around (or on the ground) in pain.

A few years ago, I was in NYC with friends, and I decided to take a break from the bar scene to grab some bottled water at a nearby all-night-deli. I excused myself and walked about half a block west. In the time I was in the store, getting my liter of water (probably for about $6.49), it began to rain. POUR. I said, "Oh, jeez," and then ran as quickly as I could back to the bar. It didn't help. Upon my re-entrance, tugged at my drenched shirt and made some comment to the effect of, "Well, I wanted water, and I got it!" and one of my friends laughed. He apologized immediately for laughing, but I said, "It's okay! You can laugh; it was funny." On the other hand, had I been HURT instead of wet, and people had laughed, I would have been very upset.

On Sesame Street many years ago, there was an episode on which one of the adult characters hurts his thumb while using a hammer. Oscar the Grouch appears and asks what the commotion is, and the man explains what happens, adding, "You probably think this is funny." But, in one of the great moments of the show's history, Oscar says, "No! I laugh at people sometimes, but I don't laugh when someone is in pain. Pain HURTS!"

If only television writers, screenwriters, and Madison Avenue writers would watch more Sesame Street.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

One Published Letter, One Irate Reader. Check.

A letter of mine appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer today. Sweet placement, too, as I'm batting leadoff in a Sunday section:

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/opinion/20100425_Letters_.html?posted=y&viewAll=y#comments

I'm not affiliated with the Tea Party movement, but I am taken aback by how quick its opponents are to dismiss it as a band of racists. Now E.J. Dionne has joined the chorus, albeit in a muted fashion (Apr. 20).

If about 11% of Americans are African-Americans, and about 6% of Tea Party supporters are African-Americans (as a Gallup poll tells us), then I really don't see that as a huge disparity.

When pressed for evidence that the Tea Party comprises 2010's version of segregationists and would-be slave-owners, its opponents either repeat anecdotes of racial slurs (mostly unsubstantiated) or point out all the white faces -- as if "Caucasian" is now automatically a synonym for "bigot." Meanwhile, African-Americans and Latinos who align themselves with the Tea Party movement, or identify themselves in any way as conservative, receive even more vitriol, being called "Uncle Toms," "Oreos," "coconuts," and "traitors." Isn't it a tad wrong to suggest that all members of a race should think the same way about everything?

Calling one's opponent "racist" used to be the last, desperate step when losing an argument. Sadly, it's become the first.


I've gotten some good feedback, but, of course, not everyone's a fan:

"Your letter simply underscores the frightened and frantic politics of the far right wing...[B]y the way, if you believe that the far right wing fringe of the Tea Party movement is not motivated by racism, you are either not paying attention or you are ridiculously obtuse."

The more intelligtent readers will, no doubt, take note that my letter wasn't about any far-right wing OR far-left wing of any movement; it was about a movement as a whole. It's buoying when someone is so kind as to prove my point so soon after my work meets the public eye.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

BeneGram's 2010 Final Fourcasts

I have two perfect women's final fours (2005, 2009) and one 3-for-4 performance on the men's side (2003). Which means nothing with regard to this year, of course. (Then again, I said something to that effect last year.)

WOMEN: Stanford, Nebraska, Connecticut, West Virginia. UConn over Nebraska in the final.

MEN: Pittsburgh, Kansas, Duke, West Virginia. West Virginia over Kansas in the final.

Happy Dancing.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Losing Jerry Won't Diminish Lyndsey's Love

Those of us who contributed money over the months so that Massachusetts woman Lyndsey Medeiros could afford cataract surgery for her pet turkey, Jerry, received the sad news today that Jerry passed away after complications from the surgery.

Medeiros and her family, no doubt, have had to endure months of anger and failed attempts at humor from dimwits who think they're wildly clever when they suggested keeping Jerry "warm" in an oven set to 450 degrees. (These are the same people who write "People Eating Tasty Animals" and think they're Jonathan Swift.)

The Medeiros family deserves our credit for their consistency and selflessness, and -- it bears repeating -- while the people who spend hundreds or thousands of dollars buying flat-screen TVs and sports cars for themselves have every right to do so, they also have no ground to stand on when they accuse Lyndsey of "wasting" money by helping a pet -- including a pet they themselves don't have the presence of mind to find worthy.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Call to Be Grateful

I will reiterate my thoughts from last year at this time, as well as add some wise words from a speech I heard a few years back, with things for all of us to think about.

"Happy Valentine's Day to those of you who have a special someone to spend it with. While you're staring at each other across the candlelit table, remember those who've spent every February 14 of their quiet lives alone. There are those who've just suffered through a divorce and those who are finding themselves without someone for the first time in a while, but there are also those for whom romance and dating and true love have always been mere widespread rumors. Some are teenagers; some are inhabiting college dorm rooms; some are in their 40s or 50s. Keep them in mind on this day, and you will treasure what you have more."

Think about this: Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight --

Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in.

Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for the last three months.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, for $15.00 to feed her family.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance -- think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking "What is my purpose;" -- be thankful, there are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities -- remember, things could be worse -- you could be them.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Haiti/Dominican Republic S.O.S.

Pick one.

www.foodforthepoor.org

www.redcross.org

www.salvationarmy.org

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Jesus: "Happy Holidays" Is Just Fine, Folks

This was passed along to me in an e-mail. It was a change of pace from the other forwards I get on subjects such as these. By the way, I believe the reference to someone having a conniption over the Bush White House's "Happy Holidays" cards is rooted in fact.

Letter from Jesus about Christmas

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season. How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that, let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.


If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:


1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know: they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.


3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.


4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 . Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.


7. Instead of nitpicking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families


8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary -- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I LOVE YOU,

JESUS

Monday, December 14, 2009

Woods Saga Reminds Us of Domestic Violence Double Standard

In response to Christine Flowers's fine piece highlighting the disparity with which many treat female-on-male violence as opposed to male-on-female violence, I wrote to her, and a later version of it ran in the Philadelphia Daily News on December 9:

http://www.philly.com/dailynews/opinion/20091209_Letters__Christine_s_right_about_domestic_violence.html

I THANK Christine Flowers for her op-ed on Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods.
Though we don't know what did and didn't happen, it's sickening to see all the responses saying that violence is deserved (or even humorous) if the recipient is male. More than 250 studies indicate that women initiate domestic violence against men approximately as often as the reverse occurs.

Too many people don't treat it seriously enough, arguing that men are usually stronger and bigger, but this difference often works to women's advantage, as men are told never to strike a woman (some say "even in self-defense"), giving abusive women the idea that they have carte blanche. Domestic violence is not about size, strength, or gender.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Woman Smeared for Helping the "Wrong" Type of Animal

For the Thanksgiving season's prime example of hypocrisy, we look at the silly furor that followed a New England woman's good deed towards a much-maligned creature. Lyndsey Medeiros, of Rehobeth, Massachusetts, had rescued a turkey from ending up deceased and stuffed on someone's table. She named her new friend "Jerry" and then realized he had a cataract problem. So, just as people might do for a cat or dog, Medeiros opted for surgery, but needed a little financial assistance to do so.

Well, out of the alleys came nasty comments from people completely up in arms that someone would adopt a turkey, let alone that anyone would contribute to helping with surgery. It highlights the extremely inconsistent way we deal with animals. I doubt anyone would be suggesting we kill Milo the cat or Scruffy the dog to feed a hungry family, but this is exactly the "solution" many numbskulls took the time to write.

The only reason the image of having a turkey in one's house as a pet would strike anyone as bizarre is because people aren't used to it. I sponsored an Indonesian child through Childreach a few years ago (contrary to the claim that animal-lovers don't also care about human beings), and was told that, when I write letters or send pictures to him, I should avoid sending any photos of someone lovingly holding a pet, because their culture views animals differently from ours. In other words, they would find it bizarre that anyone here would take an animal into the home, and raise him/her lovingly as a pet -- including cats and dogs -- because they're not used to it. Now, if we adopted the philosophy of Jerry's critics, the fact that Indonesians think we're crazy for caring about some animals means we shouldn't be doing it.

The more I think about this, the more I realize HOW hypocritical Jerry's critics are. I'd bet that few to none of these people give to the homeless. I'd also bet that a good number of them would gladly donate if someone's newly rescued cat or dog needed eye surgery, and the total could go two or three times $2,600. I'd ALSO bet that most of them have flat-screen TVs or swimming pools or three-hundred-dollar jackets. Chances are, nobody gave them any crap about spending all that money when they could have been using it to feed the hungry and to house the homeless. Fine.

But then this woman adopts an animal they don't personally deem worthy of our compassion, and all of the sudden they start "caring about the homeless." Hard to believe.